March 4, 2012

Decision made

This weekend I did a whole lot of reading, thinking and praying.  I keep asking God to show me the way through this.  And He is.

A few minutes ago, I ordered a thyroid panel (anti-TPO (peroxidase), TgAB (anti-thyroglobulin), Free T3, Reverse T3, Free T4) and saliva cortisol test from Direct Lab.  I'm stoked.  I might do the thyroid labs immediately, but I'll wait on the cortisol for two weeks, until the Isocort is out of my system.  I'm on 2 pellets now, so I will drop down this week.

I think what finally made my decision was realizing that I'll never be comfortable not knowing what my labs are.  Plus, for me, with my personality, getting these labs and then seeing the contrast later on will be difference.

Something I read tonight in STTM (this is the umpteenth time I've read it, but it enlightened me differently now because of where I'm at in this whole process) was the section on T3.  I realized that I need to see those labs in order to know which solution is best for me.  Sure, I could probably figure it out in the end, but without those labs, it may take a whole lot more time and a whole heck of a lot of money.

And I don't have time.

This weekend, my husband and I were watching a movie.  The main girl in it was my age, 29, and packing up her apartment to move into a new one.  As we watched her bustle around, packing up then moving into her new place all by herself, seemingly in one afternoon.  I looked at my husband and said, "Do people really have that much energy?" and burst into tears. 

It's been bad, I tell you.  It's been bad these past few months. 

But it's really been a situation like that frog in the pot of water.  Slowly the water is turned up until the frog realizes he's being boiled, but he can hardly get out.

I can't tell you how many times last January I thought, I am dying.  I thought it must be cancer or some deadly disease. 
For me, the really debilitating thing about hypothyroidism and adrenal fatigue is that I actually hoped in the back of my mind that it was cancer and not hypothyroid or adrenal issues causing all of this pain, inside and out.  Sometimes it's really easier to be sick than it is to get better.

But I'm not that girl.  I won't take it while I'm down.  One small step at a time, I'm going to be myself again.  I'm going to be that fun-loving, warm, sociable girl again.  It may have taken over a dozen years to get myself back, but I will. 

And family, especially my husband and my little girls, will be so happy.  They miss me.