Saturday and Sunday, I was emotionally numb. Today everything is raw. My senses are heightened. I'm experiencing great joy and great pain.
At the grocery store this morning, my girls and I saw the most beautiful little baby - about 5 months old - I have ever seen. She looked like a chubby little baby doll with the most perfectly shaped nose and triangular lips. She was adorable.
A friend announced that she and her husband are expecting again. She has had two miscarriages in the past year. We've talked a little bit through our hurt. When I read her announcement, I was thrilled for her. I cried tears of joy.
But then the hurt set in. I would have been 36 weeks and 3 days now.
When my daughter woke up from her nap, I hugged her hard.
Today, the sun was shining bright. The sky was blue with big, fluffy white clouds.
In honor of the feast of St. Joseph, I made a flourless chocolate cake with mind cacao. It was delicious.
As I was making dinner tonight, my abdomen (endometriosis) was hurting. I thought for a few seconds, I need to call Grandma; she'll understand." My grandma died last November. That was the first time I lapsed about her not being here.
Still, I'd rather feel like I have today than like I did yesterday.